So incredibly frustrating to keep trying to have someone "get" your personality.. and they just don't get it.

For example, no one on my team has a personality that naturally meshes with mine. So jokes are misunderstood, I feel uncomfortable, they feel uncomfortable. I fake laugh to their jokes. Then the worst part... trying to assimilate to what works for them.

AHHHHHH. Its middle school all over again.

You start doubting yourself and your worth. Yesterday I thought, "Am I a nerd"

REALLY??? There are people that think you are one of the most socially comfortable people inthe world?

Sure, your timing is off from time to time. Sure, you mix up your cliches. Sure, you have a little social anxiety, but most of that manifests behind the scenes. Pre and post interaction.

On to the next one, money in my pocket, put your hands up 'cuz tonight we crowd rocking? Idk.

Anyway:

Lately, I have just felt, ok just being by myself. And when I say "by myself" i don't necessarily mean single, but overall, just alone. I don't feel the need to tell people everything or bitch to someone.

There are a few possibilities on what this could be:

1. Survival and denial. Because there really aren't that many friend options that I consider quality (and time spent with friends who are not quality is just exhausting to me anymore.. SEE: ABOVE). So I have adjusted and I am trying to make myself believe I can survive alone.. I have done this in the past, but this time seems different. I am not bitter at anyone. i know this is a choice.

2. This is what its like when you grow up. Maybe I have learned that lesson that you have to make yourself happy before anyone else can... Hmm.

3. Temporary insanity.

:)